I like to think that generally, people are pretty optimistic. You set goals, you take steps to improve or increase or decrease or manifest what you want in your life; maybe you even do visualization exercises. “Negative or positive, wanted or not, what we focus on expands and brings negative or positive experiences to us through our thoughts and words. Just as a magnet attracts metal, our words attract the things we talk about,” says Janice Calnan, author of SHIFT: Secrets of Positive Change for Organizations and Their Leaders.

It all starts at the age of two when you started saying “No” to everything your parents wanted you to do. They took away your control and you didn’t like it.

The same situation is taking place today, as adults, we spend too much time dealing with the problem instead of the solution and we spend too much time talking about what we don’t have rather than talking and appreciating about what we have.

To be able to manifest or attract what we want into our lives, a new job, a raise, a new career, a life partner or good health, we have to focus on what we want, not what we don’t have. It is all about the LACK and ABUNDANCE theory.

To get you have to be thankful for what you have. When trying to attract more money into your life you have to feel like you already have the money. It is important to never talk about being broke or not being able to buy things, but to focus and talk about what you have and can buy or will buy.

I saw it, and even lived it, many  times when working with unemployed people. The mantra is often, “I can’t find a job. There are no jobs. No one will hire me. I’m too old, too tall, too bald, too shapely, whatever.” Simple example I experience all the time: when I am driving to a place where I need to park, I just assume I will find a spot. My thought is “I wonder what spot I will find today.” If instead I thought and believed, ”It’s impossible to get a parking spot on the street near downtown Toronto”, you are right, that dominant thought becomes your reality. You made it come true. I find parking spots over 80% of the time within ½ block of where I want to go. Think about it.

Thinking and verbalizing positive thoughts, ones of abundance not lack, brings your goals into sight. So, focus on the outcome and what that is going to look like, not the problem or challenge. “When I get a job I am going to do…” “When I lose weight I am going to feel terrific about myself.”

One of the first lessons of good communication that I learned when I was revving up to be a communications trainer was not to use the word DON”T. I love this advice and now am obsessively cognizant when people say, “Don’t forget to phone me.” “Don’t forget to take an umbrella.” What is wrong with that you ask? Look at it this way. The sub conscious mind does not register negatives, so your conscious mind hears, “Forget to phone.” And “Forget your umbrella.” You have issued a forget order, when what you meant is exactly the opposite.

Using DON’T is condescending and controlling and indicates that the person is so forgetful that they must be reminded. Instead, tell people what you want them to do, NOT what you don’t want from them – “Remember to call me. Remember to take your umbrella.(the unspoken message being, “because I love you.  Don’t forget…suggests ‘you idiot’)

It takes a lot of self exploration, listening to yourself, and practice, to attract what you want. Start by saying “Remember.”

Look out the front windshield, not the rear view mirror.

Colleen Clarke
Career Specialist & Corporate Trainer
www.colleenclarke.com
csc@colleenclarke.com
Author of Networking How to Build Relationships That Count and Work in Progress: Work Search and Job Retention